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Saving the Dragonfly

  • Posted on March 31, 2012 at 9:23 am

When I was about seven years old, I saved a little dragonfly.  It was late-morning, and I was on my way to the library from my house, after completing my chores.  I always liked to get my chores done as quickly as possible because that meant I had more time at the library.


As I was walking past the city hall offices, I heard a buzzing sound.  Bzzzz.  Bzzzzz.  Bzzzzzzzzz!  It intrigued me and I went to investigate.  When I was a kid, light poles used to have circular trashcans attached to them, like little trash pods.  They were lined to prevent trash from falling through.


The buzzing was coming from one of these trashcans.


Being the inquisitive sort that I was, I walked up to the trashcan, which was waist level to me.  The bag was vibrating with urgency, as if whatever was in side was frantic to get away.  I wiggled the bag a little bit and inside, a dragonfly buzzed up at me.  It was stuck between the layers of the bag, struggling to find its way out.


I moved the plastic aside, carefully peeling the layer away, my little hands keeping the dragonfly from getting squished.  Suddenly, the dragonfly was free and it flew right past me up into the sky.


I often wonder what happened to that little dragonfly.  It made me happy to save it from an obvious bad ending and to see it fly up into the sky.


I suppose I can compare that little dragonfly to my son’s life.  I often wonder what could have been.  Would he have been able to breathe and grow and laugh and play?  What would he have been?  Would he have been like me, walking to the library, eager to fall into a good book, going on grand adventures with the characters?  Or, would he have been like his father, studious, creative, and brilliant?  I hate that he’s not here.  I get so angry sometimes.  I watch Gracie as she grows into this little person, full of vivacious energy and life and there’s an empty space next to her, never to be filled.  It breaks my heart.

Small Pleasures – Day 6

  • Posted on April 3, 2011 at 10:39 am

1.  Early morning

I’m not normally an early riser, but ever since Gracie was born, I’ve had to be up pretty early to nurse her.  There’s something about the light in the morning that softens everything.  There’s also something about knowing the whole day is stretched out in front of me.

2.  “Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World” by Izzy

This song is very special to me.  It’s the song Michael and I chose as our “first dance” at our wedding.  It just warms my heart when I hear it.  It’s also what I have playing on my iPod when the alarm goes off in the mornings.  What a nice way to start the day.  🙂

3.  Gracie’s laughter

The sound of Gracie’s giggles is almost beyond description.  What is it about a baby’s giggles?  Especially Gracie’s.  When she giggles, her little eyes crinkle up and she laughs from her belly.  It’s contagious, too.

Small Pleasures – Day 5

  • Posted on April 2, 2011 at 9:03 pm

1.  Homemade orange gelato

We recently bought an ice cream maker attachment to our mixer with a gift card we had, and since we have plenty of oranges, Michael made orange gelato.  It’s very tasty.  I’ve never had homemade ice cream or gelato before and it didn’t disappoint!

2.  New brakes

Silly, I know.  But, I’m very happy to have new brakes on my car and that it was just the brake pads that were squeaking and making such a terrible noise.  It was getting almost embarrassing to drive my car.

3.  Beading

I have been creating new jewelry for a couple of weeks now.  I have put my bookmarks up for sale at my Etsy shop, but nothing of the bracelet/necklace variety as of yet.  Making jewelry makes me happy and it’s something I used to do, but fell out of it for awhile.  I stopped creating anything after we lost our son, but one day, after stumbling across “Hope is the The Thing with Feathers” by Emily Dickinson, I have been creating new things almost every day.  If I’m not actually making something, I’m creating whole pieces in my head.

Small Pleasures – Day 4

  • Posted on April 1, 2011 at 6:11 pm

1.  Holiday from work

Today, my school district gave us Friday off for Cesar Chavez Day.  I’m not complaining, as it gave me a wonderful day off to spend with my husband and Gracie.

2.  Blooming orange trees

Our backyard has two orange trees, both of which are blooming like mad.  The evenings smell strongly of orange blossoms and it reminds me of spring.

3.  Swimming

I can only swim on Tuesdays, and as much as I don’t want to go to practice because I’d rather be home doing other things, I enjoy it.  The feeling of pulling myself through the water and swimming other strokes besides freestyle makes me happy.  I haven’t competed in over a year, though.  I miss it.  Once Gracie gets a little older, I might be able to go to early morning practices and practice more than once a week.  Then, it’s on to competing again. Boy, I miss it!